morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
