hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
