From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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