when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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