well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
