Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
