Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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