The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
