Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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