he told me I talked like a deaf person
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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