she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
