this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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