Say something about gay babies.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
