hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
