Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
