Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
