The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
