i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
