I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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