Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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