sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize