I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize