and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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