we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
