we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
