Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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