Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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