i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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