I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
