How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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