I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
