my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
