Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize