If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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