So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
