It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
