Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My feet surprised me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
