i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
