I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
