Jerry, you need to find god
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have tasted many bathrooms
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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