Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
