Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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