the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
