ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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