Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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