Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
