Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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