i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
