I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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