He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
