Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
