You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
