where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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