We won't sleep together?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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