Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
