Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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