My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
