that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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