Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
