I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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