last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
