lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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