i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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