i think i scared a bird with my dick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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