What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
