I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
