Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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