You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
