he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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