It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
