She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
