Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
