Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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