weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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