Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
