Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize