I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
