I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
