You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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