i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
