what day is it and did you see me today?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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