all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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