Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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