thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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