Got a toothbrush?
Porn is love you can see.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
