If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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