Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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