they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
