my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
